Monday, September 27, 2010

Hey, look, I'm more organized than you, want to cry about it?

Unless you're actually living the life of Adrien Grenier on Entourage and have someone named Turtle to drive you places and order New York pizza for delivery to Los Angeles via private jet (I'm pretty sure this actually happened in one of the episodes I saw during one of my bouts of extreme masochism), as an actor you are your own CEO, marketing team, fitness and lifestyle coach, secretary, bookkeeper, wardrobe consultant, and everything else under the sun.

But, let's face it -- and I'm totally going to stereotype here -- nine times out of ten, telling an actor to run his/her own business is like asking a fish to fly, a bird to swim, an ivy league student not to be antisocial, Glenn Beck to be reasonable (I could go on, but let's try and keep it on topic, Felicia, alright? Alright.). 

The point is: we actors -- we're sensitive, alright? We live the art! How do you expect us to keep our real-life affairs in order? To cross our Ts and dot our Is when we are too busy working to embody their alphanumeric spirits?

Two words: FILING CABINET. Get one. It will change your life. 

I don't want to brag here, but I will. I am awesome at filing stuff. When you're an unemployed actor questioning the meaning of her existence and finding even the most inconsequential setbacks totally life-altering in the most devastating sense imaginable (and I'm just speaking hypothetically here), what could be a better way to stay grounded than by putting things in alphabetical order? Answer: Nothing.

More specifically, I use my filing cabinet to hold all of my sheet music photocopies. Over the years I've amassed a butt-ton of sheet music, and when I'm not using it to kindle trash-can fires on the breadline, I'm doing my best to assemble a pleasing variety of songs and excerpts for my Audition Book -- or, as I like to call it, my Diti Boo. What's a Diti Boo? Well, for starters, it's the weirdest and most misleading truncation possible for "Audition Book." More concretely, it is exactly what it sounds like: a collection of songs and excerpts that you bring to auditions, all of which you should be able to sing at the drop of a hat, or, better, after you've pick up that person's hat and handed it to them out of common courtesy.

Behold! Photos of my filing cabinet! Songs arranged alphabetically by show! AAAH IT'S SO MUCH FUN! EVERYBODY WHO WANTS TO BE COOL START DOING THIS NOW.

YOU CAN EVEN FILE YOUR HEADSHOTS OMG LIFE-CHANGING!
In short, I feel better about my future because I have a filing cabinet.

--FR

15 comments:

  1. lets hope this contains all that fan mail to reply to! Love the posts, F. :)

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  2. Your filing skills are inspirational. Truly this is a dying art.

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  3. Shouldn't that pic be in the H file under "headshot"? I'll be in NYC in 3 weeks. Need an assistant?...all the best divas have an assistant. Nevermind...I'm on sabbatical...I'm working ONLY if I run out of $$$.

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  4. "YOU CAN EVEN FILE YOUR HEADSHOTS OMG LIFE-CHANGING!"

    Filing yourself is pretty life changing!

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  5. I am the WORST possible file-ing person to have ever walked on the planet. Which is very bad for me because 50% of a phd is reading .. that means a lot of papers printed and strew everywhere .. waiting to be read .. then summarised .. and then filed. *sigh*.
    Loving blog 2.0 :-)

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  6. Ooh, is that 'Easy As Life' from Aida? That's one of my favorite songs for belters!

    Note to self: Plan B - When in need of a job, get hired as an assistant by an EMPLOYED ACTOR. {kidding... hope we hear good news soon!} ;-D

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  7. I'm awesome at electronically filing stuff... does that count?

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  8. Is a butt-ton more or less than a butt-load? I'm guessing the former ...

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  9. You may wish to mention who MAY have exposed you (at a very young age) to the vital importance of ORGANIZATION.

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  10. Omg Felicia you filed yourself away!! =p JK Very very organized there. ;)

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  11. Love this... so assumingly you can sing all of those songs at the drop of a hat (haha). I find that quite amazing, having the worst memory in the world myself! I have been inspired: I need a filing cabinet. Not sure why, just that I do.

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  12. Love it! CLEARLY I need to upgrade from "cheap Staples brand filing briefcase" to "legit and heavy filing cabinet"! - Gotaucs

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  13. FIle one for Momphaba under "W" for wisdom.

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  14. I think I may be investing in a filing cabinet for my room.

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