Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Time Wasting 101: Adventures in Photoshop

My new apartment is borderline monastic and has a ton of white wall space. My boyfriend Marshall and I are highly economical (instead of going to the laundromat I wash my clothes on his abs (quit groaning, you love my jokes)) so instead of buying overpriced faux-silk screens of weird monochromatic abstractions at Ikea, I've decided to design some of our wall decor using my favoritest of computer programs, Adobe Photoshop.

Marshall has a special fondness for Alton Brown, the host of Good Eats on the Food Network, and it's totally okay, because my boyfriend's metro like that. The following image is inspired by that iconic Barack Obama Hope Poster (you know the one), and supplants "hope" with Brown's catchphrase:
The only kink in the plan is apparently it costs upwards of $50 to actually have the darn thing printed, so our new and improved plan is to change "patience" to "utilitarianism," translate everything into Swedish, turn every color cobalt blue, and sell it to Ikea as a monochromatic abstraction.

Hey, wanna see some other Photoshop projects I've completed in the recent past? Too bad, I'm showing you.

Most of them were made as gifts for my boyfriend's brother Dave, because, as I said, Marshall and I are cheap. I mean economical. The first one is not that exciting, it's just Dave's face on Indiana Jones:
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Clearly, when someone graduates, the obvious conclusion to draw is that they are like Iron Man:
And my personal favorite, albeit the least successful:
The lesson today, boys and girls, is that even if you're unemployed in your chosen profession, it doesn't hurt to fine-tune other peripheral skill-sets, even if those skill-sets are absolutely worthless, because then you won't have to buy presents for anyone.

In other news, today I wore a purple dress with fringe on the bottom and then saw the exact same dress featured on That 70s Show during a roller disco scene. It was bracing reality check that made me realize I seriously need to redo my wardrobe. To do so, I'm going to enlist the help of my journalist/fashionista best friend from growing up, and you guessed it, I'm going to blog about the whole experience. It's going to be like an episode of "What Not To Wear" except no one is going to be a terrible human. Stay tuned, mis amigos pequeños.



  1. Your last paragraph prompts me to ask: Have you heard about / seen / auditioned for "Love, Loss, and What I Wore"? Notable not only for the humor and heart, but also for the serial comma.

  2. Nothing's better than learning perfectly worthless skills. Who doesn't want a Yoda birthday card?

  3. Oh gosh, why are you so fantastic again? The Iron Man one is PRICELESS. Congrats, you are now amongst all the internet peeps who photoshop the life out of absolutely everything :)

  4. How about some Felicia pictures??? These two I made should work! hahaha



  5. Let's get to work! (I am listening to 16 going on 17 to prepare.)

  6. "I wash my clothes on his abs." I think the female Twickies I know are more likely to drool rather than groan over this comment LOL.

    Any chance you'll do another podcast interview with Carner & Gregor now that you're back in New York? I really enjoyed the first one.

  7. Speaking of Yoda... have you been to the Industrial Light & Magic campus at the Presidio in San Francisco? Yoda welcomes you outside of their offices and there are cool lifesize figures of Darth Vader and others inside. Here's Yoda - http://bit.ly/dsmyLg

  8. Yeah! I like what Rodil said! Errr.. the second part I mean.

    And maybe the first part too.

  9. By the way, tell Marshall that my friend Jennifer actually had Alton Brown come to her house in Florida and cook. It wasn't for his "Good Eats" show but some other show he did.