Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Time Wasting 101: Adventures in Photoshop

My new apartment is borderline monastic and has a ton of white wall space. My boyfriend Marshall and I are highly economical (instead of going to the laundromat I wash my clothes on his abs (quit groaning, you love my jokes)) so instead of buying overpriced faux-silk screens of weird monochromatic abstractions at Ikea, I've decided to design some of our wall decor using my favoritest of computer programs, Adobe Photoshop.

Marshall has a special fondness for Alton Brown, the host of Good Eats on the Food Network, and it's totally okay, because my boyfriend's metro like that. The following image is inspired by that iconic Barack Obama Hope Poster (you know the one), and supplants "hope" with Brown's catchphrase:
The only kink in the plan is apparently it costs upwards of $50 to actually have the darn thing printed, so our new and improved plan is to change "patience" to "utilitarianism," translate everything into Swedish, turn every color cobalt blue, and sell it to Ikea as a monochromatic abstraction.

Hey, wanna see some other Photoshop projects I've completed in the recent past? Too bad, I'm showing you.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Hey, look, I'm more organized than you, want to cry about it?

Unless you're actually living the life of Adrien Grenier on Entourage and have someone named Turtle to drive you places and order New York pizza for delivery to Los Angeles via private jet (I'm pretty sure this actually happened in one of the episodes I saw during one of my bouts of extreme masochism), as an actor you are your own CEO, marketing team, fitness and lifestyle coach, secretary, bookkeeper, wardrobe consultant, and everything else under the sun.

But, let's face it -- and I'm totally going to stereotype here -- nine times out of ten, telling an actor to run his/her own business is like asking a fish to fly, a bird to swim, an ivy league student not to be antisocial, Glenn Beck to be reasonable (I could go on, but let's try and keep it on topic, Felicia, alright? Alright.). 

The point is: we actors -- we're sensitive, alright? We live the art! How do you expect us to keep our real-life affairs in order? To cross our Ts and dot our Is when we are too busy working to embody their alphanumeric spirits?

Two words: FILING CABINET. Get one. It will change your life. 

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Yep, it happened. I moved to Blogger.

Hi, again, friends. It’s been a busy first 24 hours for Five-Trick Pony (or as I’ve nicknamed it: “Blog 2: Hyperblog”) and already she’s found herself a new home (that’s right, my blog is female). As you could have probably guessed based on my thinly veiled hostility, I just wasn’t digging Tumblr. Blogger is better. The end.

So, let it be here writ: Five-Trick Pony’s new web address is http://fivetrickpony.blogspot.com. Sorry for the confusion! But, hey, I told you this blog was unpredictable.

—FR

Presenting: Stupid Texts With My Male Friend, Episode 1

Me: Happy birthday? If I'm right, I didn't even need facebook to remind me 

Male Friend: You're right!!! Thanks! Where u at now? 

Me: I'm in brooklyn eating a bagel. You?? 

Male Friend: Amazing. I'm starving myself so I look good for birthday pictures tonight. That, and I think I have a hernia. 

Me: Omg I love hernias 

Male Friend: I think I might just grab some icy hot and lather it up with one of my $100 bills and rub it all over me. That should totally cure my ails. 

Me: That is what I do! And what my mother does, and her mother did before her. 

Male Friend: Well, clearly your story goes on. 

Me: H8 that song. So are you 40 years-old today 

Male Friend: Basically 

Me: You've got a few more years in you I'm sure 

Male Friend: Yeah. 52 today. 

Me: Soon you can collect social security and wear hawaiian shirts in earnest 

Male Friend: Fo shizzle

Back to Square Two: An Unceremonious Start

[Posted on 9.25.10, before Felicia came to her senses and moved Five-Trick Pony to its current home on Blogger.]

Going to squeak out my first post here and keep expectations low. Mostly because I’m exhausted from spending the last million days trying to understand how in the heck Tumblr works and why it is missng its secnd vowl.

If you’re like 99.52% of the population, you probably don’t know who I am, which is good and bad. Good if you’re the type who hates to get involved, because you can X out of this page right now, and neither of us will be any the wiser. Bad if you’d like to keep reading and know some preliminary context. In the case of the latter, it might behoove you to read some posts from my last blog, Unnaturally Green, and learn about where I was before my lapse into New York City obscurity.

In short: I just got done standing by for the role of Elphaba in the San Francisco company of Wicked. I laughed, I cried, I looked like this:

But now that’s all kaput. I’m back in New York City, “back to square two,” as it were: I’ve got to figure out how to be a job-seeking actress again. Because if playing the lead in Wicked is one side of the acting coin, unemployment is the other.